Day Uno
I was diagnosed very early with endometriosis at an advanced stage for my age. While this isn’t exactly a super rare disease and isn’t terminal, it affects every aspect of my life and has debilitated me for almost 9 years. I take birth control to not have a period because of this, and while that helps, it doesn’t help with the pain, emotions, and other side effects. So I stumbled upon a blog of a girl that has this disease and didn’t respond to any medicine or surgical procedures. She’s doing an all natural treatment plan that she came up with, and it has been VERY successful. I’m attempting to do this, and I’m gonna blog about it to help me along the way :)
Today I tried eating a healthier diet. I’m supposed to cut out primarily meats and breads. And if you know me, I basically only eat breads and meats. So I had eggs for breakfast, a chicken salad for lunch, the rest of the salad and breadsticks for dinner. The breadsticks were definitely not on the diet and I feel really bad about them. I really wanted to throw them up, but my amazing boyfriend talked to me about it. Hopefully tomorrow I won’t cheat, or I realize I can’t change everything completely over night.
Another treatment is for the emotions. I often feel like a freak, very bad about myself, and feel like nobody will understand what I go through, especially any guy. Luckily, my boyfriend is the first guy to try to understand what I’m going through and supports me. This helps so much. However, this doesn’t help me completely. I’m a very stressed person who worries alot and I strive too far for perfection. I learned through this blog that emotions and stress have ALOT to do with the pain I experience. One method to ease this was to concentrate on one emotion, try to find the source, and once it’s identified, find ways to cope with it. Tonight I concentrated on my emotion to have to be perfect. This led me to the emotion of guilt. As I kept digging, I found two main reasons for this. The first was my parents divorce. I realized that I strive for perfection because I felt like if I had been a better daughter my parents would’ve stayed together. Another reason was my Papa’s death. It will be four years on the 17th that he passed. I have had an EXTREMELY hard time with this. I found that I strive for perfection because I feel guilty I didn’t get to really say goodbye, so I take making him proud to a dysfunctional level and feel like if I had been better I could’ve helped more. Both of these beliefs are irrational and I had no control in these situations. Hopefully working to deal with these will help, along with identifying other problems in my insane emotions.
